Sensory Overwhelm
And a non-recipe.
How my brain feels right now.
I am drinking a (bad) espresso doppio while I write this. In a cafe. Someone I know recommends working from a cafe to increase productivity. It’s supposed to be the right amount of stimulation for an ADHD brain to function. Here’s
It doesn’t seem to be helping me. It’s too overstimulating for my autistic brain. Everyone talks too loudly and I’m constantly distracted by people moving around. I have white noise playing on high volume to drown out people sounds. It’s an app called myNoise, (a friend in Cambridge recommended it to me). It comes with many different types of sounds. The one I have playing right now is called “Irish Coast” - rain, wind and waves. Makes me nostalgic. It has other colour-colour noises - pink, green and brown noise too! Never heard of them. And other random bells and chants. Good meditation sounds in general. And it’s free. It’s drowned out all the human noise for now. If I close my eyes to block out all the Gen Z noise (I’ve instantly increased the average age of the room by 15 years) working/studying from the cafe, I can now imagine the windswept coast of Achill island on the west coast of Ireland. It’s opposite of one of the hottest summers in Bangalore. At least there’s mangoes in the present. And a water crisis.
The strong smell of coffee is also doing funny things to my brain. I’ve generally given up coffee. And tea. I used to crave that first sip of hot black tea every morning. Think about it at night, looking forward to it in the morning while going to bed. Like some addict. I used to get terrible headaches if I missed it. But it also increased my acidity in this ridiculous summer heat and I read about adinosine receptors and how they react to caffeine. This is the second time I’ve given it up as a regular drinker. The first time took me a week of migraine level headaches to get over the withdrawals. This time, it’s been easier, I don’t know why. I didn’t have the crazy headaches. Now I drink caffeine casually - like today. I had a black lemon tea earlier today with my dosa for lunch. Entirely too much caffeine today. Good chance I’ll have the jitters and elevated anxiety thumping inside my chest. I’ve been able to drink it occasionally and not have these reactions. It’s not as bad as falling off the wagon. I’m not going to wake up wanting caffeine tomorrow morning. And now I can enjoy a filter kaapi once in a while (it’s not just the coffee, but also unfermented milk that fucks with my gut). This espresso doppio also tastes really shit. The overwhelming fumes of fake vanilla and caramel wafting from iced coffee drinks in paper cups with paper straws makes me feel a bit sick.
I also got a haircut this morning (because it’s so hot and I can’t stand hair on my neck getting wet with sweat. And now I have mini hairs all over my clothes, and it’s kinda itchy and scratchy (Simpsons?). And it’s setting off all my sensory and texture issues. I want to go home and wash my hair and go to bed. But my psych has put me on special meds to help with sensory hell so this sensory stuff is not supposed to annoy me, but it does. But at least I’ve got this newsletter written. I also ordered those loop ear plugs that are advertised on instagram. I’ve heard good things about them too. I hope they help with sensory overwhelm. I’m looking forward to trying them out in the real world tomorrow.
Anyway, so sensory hell. I hope to escape it in an hour or so and meet a friend for drinks. Wine. I’m only drinking fermenty things - either beer, wine or anything I’m fermenting myself (usually rice wine or mead - neither of which have been made these last couple of years). I was buying dragon shaped earrings for a 8yr old girl as a birthday present and I saw ear studs in the shape of a bottle of wine and a wine glass, which i saw and impulse bought for myself. Fermenty accessories. However, since I turned 40 a couple of years ago, I am not able to hold my alcohol at all. I’ve had to pause drinking spirits, even though I work with them. I can do a glass max of beer or wine. Low tolerance. I was going to go off alcohol entirely, but my therapist has helped me strategise so I don’t have more than 2 drinks. It’s been working so far. I hate how I feel the next day. Also, after I turned 40, the hangovers last ridiculously long - a week! It’s just not worth it. I lose too much time. And feel like shit. And I don’t enjoy the throwing up. And regret it every time. Perimenopause also. I suspect in the next 10 years that the world will move in the direction of looking at alcohol the way we look at cigarettes and tobacco right now. In favour of cannabis and shrooms for their medical (but also psychotropic/psychedelic) properties as research gathers speed. I’m keeping an eye on this trend.
Anyway, someone on the AMA asked for a non-recipe for a fermented chia pudding, so here it my take on it.
Fermented Chia Pudding
1 tbsp chia/sabja (basil) seeds
1/2 cup coconut or other milk of choice
1/2 cup yogurt or milk kefir (replace with vegan alternatives)
Splash or 1/2 bean of vanilla
2 dates
1 prune
Soak the dates and prune in coconut milk and leave for a couple of hours. Blend this with the kefir and vanilla. Stir in the chia seeds and set aside in the fridge overnight.
The thickened chia pudding can be eaten on its own or topped with whatever you have on hand. Here’s things you can add on top according to mood and availability:
Toasted nuts, granola, jam/compote, preserved fruit, cheong solids, fresh fruit, fermented fruit, coconut pieces, and other breakfast-y things.
To turn this into a dessert, just serve it after a meal and tell them it’s dessert. What? It is! Leave the granola out, maybe and break up some biscuits into it for texture instead. Drizzle some amaretto over it all to give it a boozy kick. Some whipped cream/coconut cream on top to make it richer. There. Dessert.
That’s all I’ve got this week.
If you make the fermented chia pudding, let me know how it turned out?
Cheers,
Kōbo xo